The final 40

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Well I'm coming up to my 5yr anniversary of my surgery date and its no big surprise that I haven't met my personal goal yet. It is also no surprise that I have put some weight back on......But things are about to change!! I am not going to get into numbers or weights right now, other than to say I am 100% determined and committed to losing these last 40lbs. Once those are gone I will be satisfied with my weight loss and will stop beating myself up.

Let's go back a month.....Last month I joined a chatroom and met a very nice fella from England. After much chatting I found out that he boxes, used to play rugby AND his job is helping to rehabilitate injured athletes. Come on, this was like having luck dropped in my lap, I have no idea how to exercise, I can't afford a personal trainer and I refuse to go to the gym and ask the muscle-heads there. So I asked this man if he could give me some advice on how to tone up my legs and cottage cheese thighs. He made sure he asked me lots of questions and I told him that I have problems with my knees and hips.....it was when he suggested squats that I realized he is not a nice fella from England, but actually a British Sadist!!! But, I figured what the hell, he knows what he is talking about so I might as well take the advice and do what he says. It was slow going at first, 10 squats here 10 there and my legs were screaming "wtf are doing to us!!" as the month went on they got much easier. 

I have gone back to basics, all my protein is coming from food..no more powders, I'm weighing everything, I'm waiting the appropriate time before and after meals to drink, I have a good breakfast every morning, and I am trying harder than ever to get in all my water for each day. He has taught me which snacks are high in protein, what to avoid and so on...all I can say is this is more help than I ever got from my surgeon. Today we are eating lots of chicken, tuna, nut butters, sardines etc and you know what?? I'm not hungry!!

One night a few weeks ago while chatting to "British Sadist" he said that he wanted me to try something called Couch to 5k. OK immediately I didn't like the sound of this, he sent me a link to the website and I was right....it was running. Really?!? you want this body to run?? This body runs when it is being chased by something that has the ability to KILL it. When I voiced my concerns he assured me that it was a slow program and that he knew I could do it if I put my mind to it. I didn't have a run right away a fast walk/jog would be sufficient, This still didn't ease my mind but I agreed that when the time came I would do it. Darren being the wonderful husband he is, had agreed to go on this adventure with me, like he has every single one for the last 9yrs.

9 days ago I am chatting the with the "British Sadist" and out of nowhere he ruins a perfectly good conversation by telling me I have 9 days to prepare for Couch to 5k. Preparing for me was more mentally telling myself that I can do this and I won't die. As the days passed and the reminders of how many days I had left kept coming I started to get more and more nervous that this would just be something else I would fail at.

So here we are Do Day.....I woke at 4am and thought to myself, I'm not doing this and rolled back over and tried to go back to sleep. No go, I kept thinking there is no way I will be able to lie to this man, he has gotten to know me so well in the past month that he would see right through me. He has gone out of his way to help us the least I can do is drag my scared ass out of bed and give it a try right?? And that is what I did, I got up...step 1 complete..lol

I made the predetermined fuel breakfast of oatmeal with some fruit and nuts, I'm still not sure how anyone eats that shit because it is like nasty mush in a bowl. But being the good sport that I am, I served Darren up a big bowl and gagged down a bowl myself. Darren being the good sport HE is, didn't complain once about the oatmeal, only the fact that it was 4am and he would rather be in bed. We ate pretty much in silence, I had so many things going through my head. I was still scared that I wouldn't be able to do it, what if someone sees me, what if my panic kicks in when I get too far from the van, what if I looks stupid and so on..

Getting the old boy involved

We left the house at 4:45am with Griffin in tow and went down to the Canal, I knew that road would be nice and quiet. We synced our ipods and set off at our differing paces. This podcast starts with a 5 minute warm up walk which was a breeze. Then you alternate between running/jogging for 60 seconds and walking 90 seconds and so on for 20 minutes. There is a lady with a super cheery and irritating "I want to punch you in the face voice" telling you when to run and when to walk...and music in between. After walking the first 5 minutes and actually jogging the first time the Bitch told me to, I knew I wouldn't finish if I kept doing it. So for me this turned into walking and walking faster rather than walking and running. I am totally ok with that, because this is still more movement than this body is used to. 

As I was doing my quick walk I looked back and couldn't see my van anymore, that is when the panic attack started to come, so I turned around and started walking back towards where we were parked. As soon as I could SEE my van, the anxiety level went down significantly so I decided that is what I would do..walk so far and turn around and walk back. I picked a set of trees a couple hundred yards away and that would be my turning point to head back towards the parking lot. Darren was off doing his own thing and that was ok, it gave me time to think and enjoy the surroundings. It was a beautiful morning, mist on the water, dew on the trees, and mosquitoes out for blood.

As the podcast kept going, I was started to tire....my legs were burning and my lungs were ready to explode (really need to quit smoking), but I wasn't going to stop. I've had too many people tell me that I wouldn't be able to do it when I mentioned it to them. I needed to prove them wrong, I needed to prove myself wrong. I wanted this for me, I wanted it for Darren, I wanted it for the "British Sadist". When the Bitch told me that this was the final run, I said to myself "well, lets do this" and I ran...I may have been dragging my feet a bit but I ran with my faithful companion Griffin at my side. When that 60sec burst was over there was a 5 minute walk to cool down. 

You ok mom??

All in all it really wasn't horrible,  for someone my size it definitely wasn't easy, but it is doable if you set your mind to it. When it was done I crashed on the wooden play structure trying to slow down my breathing and not die (it was here it became really clear I needed to stop smoking). I am half passing out and my wonderful husband is off taking pictures of me and the water. It was like he hadn't been running at all..lol skinny bugger. 
 

I hate you England

I had to take a face picture to send to the "British Sadist" because I knew it would give him great pleasure to see the pain, so here it its....my post exercise I hate you picture. (BTW, he thought the picture was great..I knew he was evil deep down, He said this is the face that most of his clients give him after a workout)

Our morning view, beautiful

So Darren and I sat around for a little while enjoying the view (its not every day we are up and about at 5am) We talked about how proud of each other we were, that it will get easier as we go, and that we were actually looking forward to our next early morning on Wednesday.

Breakfast

When we got home I was absolutely STARVING, I didn't know if this was normal or not, but my body was screaming for food, so I did what I do best I ate. I made 2 scrambled egg whites and a piece of 12 grain bread while Darren went back to sleep for a few hours. 

Supper

Lunch was pretty unspectacular, just some left overs. For dinner I made Grilled chicken breast, green beans and an Avocado, cucumber and feta salad (thanks for making this the other night Paula) I will admit I've never liked avocado, but its really good this way. OK I lie...I've never actually TRIED avocado before having it this way, so I really don't know if I would have liked it or not..but it looks like snot and that was enough to put me off.




Its 1:30am and so far I'm still feeling good, no aches or pains yet....we shall see if I still feel the same way in the morning. Thank you Darren for doing this with me and Thank you Mr England for leading us in the right direction. I will continue to blog through these 9 weeks and if any of you are interested in checking out the program here is the link Couch to 5K

Cheers and goodnight