The final 40

Most recent picture

Well I'm coming up to my 5yr anniversary of my surgery date and its no big surprise that I haven't met my personal goal yet. It is also no surprise that I have put some weight back on......But things are about to change!! I am not going to get into numbers or weights right now, other than to say I am 100% determined and committed to losing these last 40lbs. Once those are gone I will be satisfied with my weight loss and will stop beating myself up.

Let's go back a month.....Last month I joined a chatroom and met a very nice fella from England. After much chatting I found out that he boxes, used to play rugby AND his job is helping to rehabilitate injured athletes. Come on, this was like having luck dropped in my lap, I have no idea how to exercise, I can't afford a personal trainer and I refuse to go to the gym and ask the muscle-heads there. So I asked this man if he could give me some advice on how to tone up my legs and cottage cheese thighs. He made sure he asked me lots of questions and I told him that I have problems with my knees and hips.....it was when he suggested squats that I realized he is not a nice fella from England, but actually a British Sadist!!! But, I figured what the hell, he knows what he is talking about so I might as well take the advice and do what he says. It was slow going at first, 10 squats here 10 there and my legs were screaming "wtf are doing to us!!" as the month went on they got much easier. 

I have gone back to basics, all my protein is coming from food..no more powders, I'm weighing everything, I'm waiting the appropriate time before and after meals to drink, I have a good breakfast every morning, and I am trying harder than ever to get in all my water for each day. He has taught me which snacks are high in protein, what to avoid and so on...all I can say is this is more help than I ever got from my surgeon. Today we are eating lots of chicken, tuna, nut butters, sardines etc and you know what?? I'm not hungry!!

One night a few weeks ago while chatting to "British Sadist" he said that he wanted me to try something called Couch to 5k. OK immediately I didn't like the sound of this, he sent me a link to the website and I was right....it was running. Really?!? you want this body to run?? This body runs when it is being chased by something that has the ability to KILL it. When I voiced my concerns he assured me that it was a slow program and that he knew I could do it if I put my mind to it. I didn't have a run right away a fast walk/jog would be sufficient, This still didn't ease my mind but I agreed that when the time came I would do it. Darren being the wonderful husband he is, had agreed to go on this adventure with me, like he has every single one for the last 9yrs.

9 days ago I am chatting the with the "British Sadist" and out of nowhere he ruins a perfectly good conversation by telling me I have 9 days to prepare for Couch to 5k. Preparing for me was more mentally telling myself that I can do this and I won't die. As the days passed and the reminders of how many days I had left kept coming I started to get more and more nervous that this would just be something else I would fail at.

So here we are Do Day.....I woke at 4am and thought to myself, I'm not doing this and rolled back over and tried to go back to sleep. No go, I kept thinking there is no way I will be able to lie to this man, he has gotten to know me so well in the past month that he would see right through me. He has gone out of his way to help us the least I can do is drag my scared ass out of bed and give it a try right?? And that is what I did, I got up...step 1 complete..lol

I made the predetermined fuel breakfast of oatmeal with some fruit and nuts, I'm still not sure how anyone eats that shit because it is like nasty mush in a bowl. But being the good sport that I am, I served Darren up a big bowl and gagged down a bowl myself. Darren being the good sport HE is, didn't complain once about the oatmeal, only the fact that it was 4am and he would rather be in bed. We ate pretty much in silence, I had so many things going through my head. I was still scared that I wouldn't be able to do it, what if someone sees me, what if my panic kicks in when I get too far from the van, what if I looks stupid and so on..

Getting the old boy involved

We left the house at 4:45am with Griffin in tow and went down to the Canal, I knew that road would be nice and quiet. We synced our ipods and set off at our differing paces. This podcast starts with a 5 minute warm up walk which was a breeze. Then you alternate between running/jogging for 60 seconds and walking 90 seconds and so on for 20 minutes. There is a lady with a super cheery and irritating "I want to punch you in the face voice" telling you when to run and when to walk...and music in between. After walking the first 5 minutes and actually jogging the first time the Bitch told me to, I knew I wouldn't finish if I kept doing it. So for me this turned into walking and walking faster rather than walking and running. I am totally ok with that, because this is still more movement than this body is used to. 

As I was doing my quick walk I looked back and couldn't see my van anymore, that is when the panic attack started to come, so I turned around and started walking back towards where we were parked. As soon as I could SEE my van, the anxiety level went down significantly so I decided that is what I would do..walk so far and turn around and walk back. I picked a set of trees a couple hundred yards away and that would be my turning point to head back towards the parking lot. Darren was off doing his own thing and that was ok, it gave me time to think and enjoy the surroundings. It was a beautiful morning, mist on the water, dew on the trees, and mosquitoes out for blood.

As the podcast kept going, I was started to tire....my legs were burning and my lungs were ready to explode (really need to quit smoking), but I wasn't going to stop. I've had too many people tell me that I wouldn't be able to do it when I mentioned it to them. I needed to prove them wrong, I needed to prove myself wrong. I wanted this for me, I wanted it for Darren, I wanted it for the "British Sadist". When the Bitch told me that this was the final run, I said to myself "well, lets do this" and I ran...I may have been dragging my feet a bit but I ran with my faithful companion Griffin at my side. When that 60sec burst was over there was a 5 minute walk to cool down. 

You ok mom??

All in all it really wasn't horrible,  for someone my size it definitely wasn't easy, but it is doable if you set your mind to it. When it was done I crashed on the wooden play structure trying to slow down my breathing and not die (it was here it became really clear I needed to stop smoking). I am half passing out and my wonderful husband is off taking pictures of me and the water. It was like he hadn't been running at all..lol skinny bugger. 
 

I hate you England

I had to take a face picture to send to the "British Sadist" because I knew it would give him great pleasure to see the pain, so here it its....my post exercise I hate you picture. (BTW, he thought the picture was great..I knew he was evil deep down, He said this is the face that most of his clients give him after a workout)

Our morning view, beautiful

So Darren and I sat around for a little while enjoying the view (its not every day we are up and about at 5am) We talked about how proud of each other we were, that it will get easier as we go, and that we were actually looking forward to our next early morning on Wednesday.

Breakfast

When we got home I was absolutely STARVING, I didn't know if this was normal or not, but my body was screaming for food, so I did what I do best I ate. I made 2 scrambled egg whites and a piece of 12 grain bread while Darren went back to sleep for a few hours. 

Supper

Lunch was pretty unspectacular, just some left overs. For dinner I made Grilled chicken breast, green beans and an Avocado, cucumber and feta salad (thanks for making this the other night Paula) I will admit I've never liked avocado, but its really good this way. OK I lie...I've never actually TRIED avocado before having it this way, so I really don't know if I would have liked it or not..but it looks like snot and that was enough to put me off.




Its 1:30am and so far I'm still feeling good, no aches or pains yet....we shall see if I still feel the same way in the morning. Thank you Darren for doing this with me and Thank you Mr England for leading us in the right direction. I will continue to blog through these 9 weeks and if any of you are interested in checking out the program here is the link Couch to 5K

Cheers and goodnight

Too long since my last Blog

Well it's been quite some time since I have blogged, but I really didn't think I had anything to write about.
In September my little sister got married and I got to wear a very pretty dress, that I actually had to have altered even though I only bought it the month before, that felt GOOD. I got so many comments from people that day and I felt very pretty and confident. Congratulations again Cassie and Farzan.
November was my grandfathers 90th birthday and we went out for dinner at the Waring house. It felt wonderful to get dressed up in nice clothes (that fit). I was getting ego boosting compliments left right and center. Something I am definitely not used to, but am beginning to really enjoy..lol
In October I went to NY for my One year post-op check up (even though my one year was actually in August, I just had too much going on at the time). The nurses were very pleased with my progress so far, and told me to keep up the good work.
Its hard to believe that I used to weigh 485 pounds and now i'm only 262...that's 223 pounds gone forever!! That is a whole overweight person!! I know I still have a ways to go, but I am so motivated, I know I can do this.
When I started this journey my BMI was a whopping 75.95....now it is 41.03...that is a HUGE drop. Over 40 is considered Morbidly Obese, but I am sooo close to being under 40 I can almost taste it.
They told me at my appointment that the surgeons goal for me is 215, so I only have 47 pounds to go to meet that goal. I only have 63 pounds to meet my own personal goal of 199!! ONLY 63 pounds...I never thought that day would come and before I know it, it will be here.
One of the gifts I have promised myself, is to go horseback riding when I hit 250, even that goal will be here soon.
It is amazing how much ones life can change in the span of a year, and having this surgery is the reason for all these changes. If I had of chose not to have the surgery and continue on the path I was on, i would either be bed ridden or dead by now. My future was not looking good at all, and now my future is looking amazing.
I enjoy going out again, I have some of my confidence back, I no longer feel the need to stand in a corner and try to be unnoticed. I want people to see me and see how much I have changed. I won't lie, I still deal with the anxiety and agoraphobia, but I am pushing myself to try and get past those issues.
I recently found out that my father has Cancer. He was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lymphoma and has just started Chemotherapy. This is definitely a hard time for me as well as my entire family. When I first found out I was lost and immediately turned to food, I wanted pizza, chips, burgers, all those things that used to comfort me and make me feel better in the past....but you know?? They DON'T make me feel better anymore, quite the opposite actually. When I was eating the food I would feel good or about 5 minutes and then quilt would hit big time. I would think to myself "you went through surgery to change your life, and look at what you are doing, you are throwing away all your hard work, just because you are in a difficult situation". I guess the problem was, even though I had surgery, I didn't learn how to deal with my emotional eating. I realized that this is what I was doing, and reached out to some fellow loser friends and they have helped me tremendously. I also got in contact with the Canadian Cancer Society and have been set up with a peer support person. Now I have someone to talk to on a regular basis who is also caring for a father going through Chemotherapy and it makes things so much easier to share with someone who knows what you are talking about and has some of the same feelings and thoughts that I have....So don't be afraid to ask for help, everyone needs it at some point and I think people are just too proud to ask.
So, I think with my little emotional binge and the stress of what is going on in my life, I have hit a little stall in my weight loss. I am not too concerned about it, its normal and I know that it will pass and I will be back on track in no time.



I do have 2 recipes to share with you

Low Carb Sugar Free Peanut butter Cheesecake

2 packages of 8 ounce fat free cream cheese
1/2 cup of vanilla sugarfree syrup
3/8 teaspoon of Splenda
1/2 cup of low fat low sugar peanut butter
6 eggs
pinch of salt
3/4 cup of low carb sugar free dark chocolate (for the topping)
~preheat oven at 350 degrees and spray a glass pie dish with olive oil spray
~Combine all ingredients except chocolate in a blender and blend until smooth. Poor into pie dish and bake at 350 degree for 50 minutes.
~Melt the chocolate in the microwave and spread over the pie while it is still warm. Chill and enjoy!

Serves 8....about 4.5 grams of carbs per serving

Flax Blueberry Muffins

• 4 tablespoons butter, melted
• 6 eggs
• 1 1/2 cups ground flax seeds
• 1/2 cup Splenda granular
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 2 teaspoons vanilla
• 1 cup blueberries
• Whisk eggs with butter. Stir in remaining ingredients. Pour into greased muffin tin. Bake in 400 degree oven for 15-17 minutes.

How simple is that?? and they are delicious.

Facts about Flax

• Lowered blood cholesterol levels
• Lowered high blood pressure
• Increased energy, vitality, and stamina
• Increased sense of calmness under stress
• Reduced threat of blood clots
• Protection against cancers, particularly hormone sensitive cancers such as breast and prostate
• Better regulation of blood sugar levels
• Eases inflammatory tissue conditions, including arthritis
• Alleviation of dry skin, eczema and psoriasis
• Enhanced immune system
• Increased metabolic rate with a positive impact on weight management
• Helps with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)
• Natural laxative
• And the list goes on

Give it a try, what have you got to lose??

Photo Collage

I thought it might be fun to make a photo collage of my journey so far, its amazing to me to see the differences in my picture from surgery to today

1. just a sweet little girl
2. approx 7 months before surgery
3. minutes before surgery
4. Day after
5. 3 months out
6. 5 months
7. 5 months
8. 6 months
9. 8 months
10. 8 months
11. 9 months
12. 10 months out and 201 pounds down

Today is a HAPPY DAY!!!!

Today, I have officially lost a total of 201 pounds. I have gone from 485 to 284 in a year and 3 months. Words cannot even describe how happy I am today.

And to top it all off, my dog Griffin is about to become a daddy today. His first Girlfriend a black dane named Jilly has been in labour since 3:30am and her water broke at around 9am...so we are just sitting and waiting to hear some news.

Great day all around!!!!

Like McDonald's Iced Coffee...Try this instead

If you like Iced Coffee...boy do I have something for you to try...soooo good

Iced Coffee
Ingredients:

3 cups strongly brewed decaffeinated coffee, chilled
1 cup fat-free or 1% milk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 teaspoons granular sugar substitute
Ice cubes
1/2 cup fat-free or light whipped topping

In a pitcher, combine coffee, milk, vanilla, and sugar substitute; stir well. Fill 4 (10-ounce) glasses with ice. Pour coffee mixture over ice. Spoon 2 tablespoons of the whipped topping into each glass.


I left the whipped topping off of mine and it was still delicious, I also had to add more splenda than called for as I like it a little on the sweeter side (maybe the whipped topping might have helped with that)

Nevertheless this is very tasty and refreshing on hot day

Nutritional Information:

50 calories
0 g fat (0 g sat)
6 g carbohydrate
2 g protein
0 g fiber
45 mg sodium

compared to the 200+ calories in the McDonalds version I think this is pretty darn good

Time for an update?? Mother says yes

Its definitely been awhile since I posted a new update, but I really didn't feel like I had anything to write about.
Since my last update, I have finally seen 300 on the scale for the last time. I am now down to 287, that's almost 200 pounds lost since my journey began, not bad for a year and 3 months.
My life has changed in so many ways that i'm still trying to get used to it all. I have a new feeling of freedom, freedom from the fat..lol I enjoy trying to get out in the world. I have been to the beach and even wore a bathing suit!!! I haven't done that in years. I've been to the zoo, spent 2 hours walking around with Darren, before enjoying a picnic lunch. It was fantastic, last year 2 hours of walking would have killed me, and I wasn't even winded. I am getting a suntan also for the first time in years, because I am actually enjoying going out in the sun.
I haven't had one of my usual pre-weight loss rashes in along time, and those really made summer almost unbearable.
I thought it might be fun for myself to make a list of things that I can do now, that I haven't been able to do in a long time...so here it is

1. I can shave my own legs
2. I can put on my own shoes
3. I can find clothes that fit in walmart!!! (very excited about this one)
4. I can lay in the tub to wash my hair, no more using a measuring cup
5. I can dry myself properly (no rashes)
6. I enjoy walking my dogs
7. I am finding going out into stores a little easier
8. I went to the movies for the first time since 2005
9. I can drive my car again
10. I can clean my house
11. I can stand long enough to do the dishes
12 .Gardening
13. I can mow some of the lawn
14. I can sit in a plastic chair with out it breaking..lol
15. I don't constantly worry about fitting into chairs
16. Shopping for clothing doesn't leave me in tears
17. I got under 400 pounds
18. I got under 300 pounds
19. I can sleep laying down, and not propped up against the wall so I can breath
20. I have learned how to make healthy meals

I'm sure there are so many more things, these are just what came to mind as I was typing.

I'm not going to lie and say that it has all been a bunch of roses, its has been a hard journey so far. I have horrible mood swings, one minute I'm feeling great, and the next I feel like someone else has taken over my body and I can't get it back. My hair has fallen out (not all of it) but its a lot thinner. I've had to say good-bye to my boobies... I'm still in the mourning process, I was quite attached to them. I've had to learn the hard way which foods my pouch can't tolerate, and that isn't a pleasant experience, but on the other hand, its not one that you will soon forget either. Depression and Anxiety have gotten worse, The Dr's think its due to the amount of my medications that I absorb now...they have no data to know if I'm getting too much or not enough (they are betting on not enough) So my medications have all been increased..decreased, and increased again. I feel like a guinea pig sometimes.

I hope to be around 250 by my sisters wedding in September, that's 38 pounds...hmm might be a little unrealistic because my weight loss has slowed down, it has actually come to a halt a few times. I am going to try my best though. With the nicer weather here, I will be able to get out and walk, I just need someone to kick me in the ass and get me motivated to do it. I just don't want to look like a blimp on her wedding day, i want to look at the pictures and think "damn I look good".

I still have a long way to go, my goal weight is 180, so I have another 108 pounds to lose. I know I can do it, its going to take work, but I want this new life.

Last night I made some no-bake homemade protein bars, they were very yummy. Peanut butter, oatmeal, dried fruit...YUM

Well that is all I can think of to talk about for now, Next update will be....whenever I feel like it...lol

Update March 28th

Its been awhile since I have updated my blog, so here you go. Its been 7 months and 1 day since I had my surgery, and I am now down 174 pounds. I am 10 pounds away from hitting 299. What a great day that will be, seeing 300 on the scale for the last time EVER. I may have to throw a party..haha or at least indulge in a weight watchers treat to celebrate.
Every day things are getting easier and easier to do. I now enjoy going out with my husband and dogs for walks, and we do it quite often. I have returned to Curves, and I am enjoying it very much. Its time that I can get out of the house, leave the stresses of life behind and just concentrate on myself for awhile. Every time I go the machines get easier to use. It won't be long before I can do the whole circuit twice without feeling like a contestant on the biggest loser doing their last chance workout. lol.
I find it easier to make healthier choices when picking foods, the last 7 months have truly been a learning experience, and it continues.
7 months ago just about every article of clothing I owned was too small, and it was a pain in the ass trying to find something to wear...sweat pants and stretchy cotton pants were my friend. Now its the opposite, everything I own is too damn big. The other day we went to a cousins house for dinner, and I had to keep pulling my jeans and underwear up because they were falling off. I can't wait until I reach my goal and can finally go shopping for a new stylish wardrobe, Darren better start saving his pennies now to finance that little trip.