Only 19 week to go

On Tuesday I went to get a 4D ultrasound done, I just couldn't
wait any longer to find out the sex of little baby Murray. Now, this is one STUBBORN baby!! The ultrasound itself took the good part of an hour and for almost that entire time baby had its bum facing us, cord between the legs and wouldn't stop moving. SOOO, because it was moving so much this is the best shot we could get of the wee one.

Whenever the technician poked or shook my belly to get the precious one to stop using my placenta as a pillow and roll over, I swear to God this baby raised its fist at us......Great, its going to have an attitude like is momma.

HOWEVER, we were able to determine the gender which was the whole reason I went for the ultrasound, best $75 I have ever spent lol

I had my regular appointment with my OBGYN yesterday and the heart beat was 150-155 bpm which is really good. She could also hear the baby moving around with the Doppler machine and told me that I was going to lose weight like crazy once baby was born because I would have my hands full...lol

I have had to resort to maternity jeans, this was hard for me...lol but let me tell you with an expanding belly that is very delicate to any kind of pressure, these are the best jeans I have ever worn in my entire life.. I love them, and wish I could wear them all the time. This picture was about a month ago...bump is significantly larger now. Not to mention the boobs, WTF in 5 months I have gone up 2 full cup sizes and I'm almost thinking its about time to go up one more. I'm going to go broke buying bras !!

Just got a call yesterday and on January 6th I will be going for my Fetal Assessment Scan at Kingston General Hospital. I'm not crazy about having to drive all the way to Kingston to have it done, but Dr tells me that the imagery is much better there. I want them to get the best look possible at the heart, lungs, and all those other important organs, so I will put my big girl panties on and just deal with it.

That's all I've got for now.............................well there is this....

             We are having our baby Isabel.....Isabel Ava Murray

For anyone who doesn't know, Isabel was my grandmothers name and I have always wanted to honour her memory by naming a little girl after her..and now I can!!

Why I haven't been posting!!

As many of you know Husband and I have been trying for a very long time to have a baby (9yrs to be exact). Well, 7wks ago I started having major cramping in my lower back and thought for sure it was my period starting.....wrong.

Looks like there will be a little one entering the world with our DNA (scary I know). If any of you reading this are on my FB you are sworn to absolute secrecy, as I am still very early... 7wks 2days today and we don't want to announce this little miracle until I am past the 3 month mark. I am only posting this on here because I thought it fair that you all know that I haven't given up on the working out.

So, even though I am not very far into this pregnancy it is totally kicking my ass....I am tired all the time (I swear I could sleep all day and still be tired), Morning sickness - not just for mornings, and don't even get me started on boobs...holy hell, Tender my ass...they feel like someone has been using them as punching bags!!

 I went shopping the other day just for the hell of it and found the most amazing onsie you could ever imagine. I almost fell over when I saw it and I snatched it off the rack before anyone else could.
You can bet your ass that when football starts next season my little one (male or female) will be wearing this to support mommy's favorite team.


Baby Murray is expected to make his or her entrance on April 24th 2015

Still Hurting

My back is still really bad, most mornings I have trouble getting out of bed.  Hip hurts, and lower back above my butt but off to the side, not really sure that is in that area but its sore!!! I am going to try walking Monday morning because I am started to get depressed with my lack of mobility, maybe the movement will help

Out of commission

Ready to go

Went for our jog Friday morning around 5am, did my 5 minute warm up walk and a few of 60 second jogs which I'm still doing around 30 seconds of. My hips and legs were bothering me before we even left the house.  I'm not sure if it is was because it was so cold and damp that morning or what, but everything ached. 


 
After a little while my hip was really starting to bother me, so I think I think I was walking funny to                                                           

Ouch!!

try and keep weight off my hip, all of a sudden my ankle just decided that it was going to crap out on me. Anyway long story short, I fell twisted my ankle and as I landed I did something to my back. I got up and sat on the bleacher waiting for Darren to finish. When we finally did get home I put some frozen pineapple chunks on ankle (its the first frozen bag we found in the freezer..lol). So I spent most of Friday just laying on the couch, now its Saturday morning and my back is so sore I can barely walk, I can't even stand up straight. I am guessing the majority of today will be spent in bed with Tylenol close by. I should have listened when I was told to get something to support my ankles, but I was never very good at following directions.

Seems Mr. Murray has been cheating on the dieting front...Found this wrapper when I got into the van. Now I'm not judging or anything, because I think you are doing fantastic....BUUUUT if you are complaining about your miniscule amount of belly fat, then MAYBE just MAYBE you should stick to the diet and lay off the ice cream...or at least have the decency to properly dispose of the evidence!


Darren finished week 2 today and is ready to move on to week 3. He is doing fantastic, kinda pisses me off..lol. He never stops for a break, never

Man Down!!

complains about being in pain (other than the odd backache). He has already lost weight, despite the cheating. We had to go out and get new work out clothes for him because his pants kept falling down while he was jogging. He has been able to put on and do up jeans that didn't fit 2 weeks ago!! Why is it so much easier for men to lose weight than it is for women?? It just isn't fair! I think he is going to start doing some work with weights now because he really wants to build up strength and muscle in his arms (which I also think look great just as they are). Good job Babe...Even if I can't do it on Monday I'll be there in the bleachers watching you. 

 So, I was talking before about how one of my legs was getting smaller than the other and it was looking kind of odd..here is what I was talking about....

 My right leg has slimmed down quite a bit, yet my left leg has either stayed the same or gotten bigger I can't tell..either way it is looking odd..lol. It is my right hip that generally bothers me the most so maybe I'm working harder on that side, I have no idea but I hope things start to even out soon.

Wanna go for a walk?

So it was 5am and I was wide awake...didn't want to clean but felt like I should be doing something productive so I decided to go for a walk at the track. I'm not sure how thrilled Darren was since this is supposed to be our day off, but it wasn't like I was asking him to run or anything..lol 

Yup, I did that!!

I am so glad that I went, I hit a big milestone for myself today...I walked for a total of 1 hour and 57 seconds. My not seem like a big deal to some people but for me this is huge!!.

Big Wuss

My Dear Husband pussed out at 34 minutes and went to sit in the grandstand,
I'd like to think he was cheering me on...but its more likely that he was sleeping, until the rain started.

Finished

I have to say I'm pretty pleased with myself. At around 45 minutes my ass was starting to drag, the rain was starting and I wanted to get finished the last lap and go home....But as I was listening to my iPod a very appropriate song came on and it gave me the determination to continue for another 15 minutes!! This was a song that was very important to me when I was deciding to have weight loss surgery, so I thought it was quite fitting that it just randomly came on when I was ready to give up.

Dogs On Loan

Tiny is ready to go

Darren & Winston

Really don't have much to write about today. We borrowed our friends 2 Great Danes Winston and Tiny because my old boy just tires out too quickly.

Lets do this!

I found out why my feet were hurting me....I wasn't landing properly, I was jogging and landing on my toes. So I paid more attention to my feet today and make sure I was landing properly and, what do you know...my feet don't hurt. I also made sure that I wasn't hunched or leaning forward and made sure that my feet were landing under me. Just those little changes made sure a difference in the way I felt afterwards.

Winston had to take a little stop to bask in the beauty of the morning...Can't say that I blame him, it was a gorgeous morning

1/2 way

I ran a total of 4 minutes and 45 seconds today, I'm pretty damn proud of that. The only thing that was sore today was my knee (just a little) and my back, probably because I was concentrating so hard on staying upright and not leaning forward. As much as I love going to the canal to do our jogging, I think the track is a much better choice for my body.

 

All done!!

Heading home gross and sweaty

Anniversary Jog

3:45am and ready to go

My rant from Wednesday is over and I'm feeling much better...Wedesday morning  I had an early morning wake up call from England to ensure that I was ready for my run...I guess I wasn't. I was really down on myself until later that night the "British Sadist" reminded me that the night before we had been drinking, ate pizza and it was my time of the month, so no wonder I struggled so much. Today is a new day and our 7th wedding anniversary and I can't think of a better way to celebrate than getting all hot and sweaty with a nice early morning workout at 3:50am.

So smooth

We had our oatmeal this morning and it was FABULOUS. I had made this Jam last week with fruit, chia seeds and honey and holy smokes if I were putting that on my oatmeal I could eat the stuff every morning (will post recipe at the bottom). We (I) decided that since it was still so dark out, that it was probably not a good idea to go on the trail this morning because of the bats and coyotes. So instead we headed over to the track at the highschool. This turned out to be an awesome decision




The track was smooth, not like the trail that is just a dirt road with pebbles and potholes that you can break your ankle in. I found that walking and jogging on the track was so much easier on my whole

1/2 way mark

body. After my mini-meltdown the other day I got thinking and I had decided that I was just going to walk and power walk when it was time to jog. By England being the pusher he is wasn't going to let me off that easy. We came to a compromise....I would do the 5 minute walk, then 30second jog and 30 second power walk. My God this made it so much more achievable. Today was the first day I didn't feel like a total and complete failure. Did the 5 minute warm up walk, jogged the first and last full 60 seconds and for each one in between I did the 30 second split between jogging and power walking.

All done

  Don't get me wrong, it didn't make
it so easy that it was a walk in the park, I still struggled but I also didn't want to jump in the van and quit. I had no anxiety today and no panic attacks. My knees weren't bothering me my hips were ok. I started to get stomach cramps near the end but I think that was from drinking too much water. Also my feet were getting really sore up behind my toes, I think I'm not landing on my feet properly with each step. I will have to ask England about that. I was tired when we finished but not totally exhausted and feeling like I was going to lay down and die.

Finished wk2

I have to say I am very proud of Darren we decided that week 1 was not just not challenging enough for him anymore. He wasn't even breaking a sweat, so today he moved on to week 2, Good job Darren. Tomorrow we will be going out to buy him some new track pants because with all this exercising and healthy food he has lost some weight. While running today his track pants were almost falling to his knees..lol He said when he first started the week 2 podcast he felt like his heart was going to explode but the lady told him how to breath properly and it was easier for him after that.

Since it was our Anniversary.....And being as we were already up  and had gotten our exercise on, not even 5:30 yet. I decided to be nice and see if Darren wanted to go and get some fishing in down at the canal where we normally run. Its always so beautiful down there and I wouldn't mind just sitting and watching. So we stopped to pick up some coffee and worms and headed down to the canal. I was right, it was gorgeous, so he set to fishing I watched for a bit and slowly became bored out of my skull. So while he fished, I watched Ruby and old Liverpool FC matches on my cell phone...lol It was the perfect morning 

Here is the recipe for the Jam

 

I made mine with Strawberries and Raspberries, I also used less honey because I don't like it too sweet and probably about 3-4tbsp of Chia Seeds because I wanted it thicker. This shit is amazing guys!!! I added extra chopped up strawberries when it came out of the blender and its seriously tastes just like a fresh fruit puree. Its one for my recipe book that's for sure

Now to enjoy my weekend of World Cup Fooball!!

Feeling Defeated

Not a great morning, don't have anything to say other than I'm really pissed with myself. Went out, did 1/2 the podcast, jogged 3 times, fast walked once....My lungs were ready to explode, heart was racing, which made anxiety come to visit and a panic attack started....So I did what I do best and gave up.....I'm just too fat for this shit....That is all!

Week 1 part 3

I decided to do week 1 over AGAIN. There really isn't much sense moving forward on to week 2 when I am still unable to jog each 60 second interval on week 1. So here I am again, trying really hard not to get down on myself because I can't do it..I know I can, its just going to take time...slow and steady wins the race right??

Yesterday was the first day that we introduced weights into the mix. I wanted to use my 5lb weights but was quickly informed that those are "just too light" He (Sadist) wanted at least 10 or 15lbs, of course I opted for the 10lbs LOL. He kindly showed me how to properly do the 2 exercises that are to be done on the days we aren't jogging. 

Exercise One

 

Exercise Two

 (Exercise #1) I am to do with no weights for now, and its pretty straightforward. Elbow to waist, arm straight back, 3 sets of 10 reps.  (Exercise #2) on the other hand its much harder for me. Have to keep your elbows close to your head, which I'm finding a little difficult.  This one I am to do 3 sets of 6-8 reps. By the last 2-3 list of the 3rd set my arms were shaking, but I finished them all. Now today the back of my arms feel like they have bricks in them and are REALLY sore. But I am told its a "sweet pain" Whatever, pain is pain...lol 

5am and ready to get going

Now Back to the jogging......Alarm set for 4am and when it went off I woke up with a pounding headache and it was starting to rain. I thought, "nope not doing it" and rolled over to go back to sleep.
That didn't happen, I started to feel guilty and realized if I didn't get up and go the only person I am cheating is myself. So I rolled my ass out of bed and got ready. Boy and I glad I did, today was by far the best day yet. We got down to the canal and it was just a light drizzle, no big deal. I set off in one direction and Darren set off in the other with Griff. Once the 5 minute warm up walk was over, it was time for the first 60second jog...and I was able to do the full 60seconds!! I know this doesn't sound like a big deal to some, but to me this is HUGE. There are a total of 8 of those 60second jogs on the week 1 podcast. Today I was able to jog for five of them, of those five I did three full 60seconds and the other two were 30sec run 30 sec walking fast. The remaining three were just fast walking as I was starting to fade and my legs were not going to carry me anymore. 

1/2 Way

My hips and knees didn't hurt much this time, it was actually my right calf that was sore. Cramping
really bad and with  every step it felt like someone was stabbing me.  Chest was sore, I need to learn how to breath properly because whenever it is time to jog I've noticed that I hold my breath and i'm pretty sure that isn't a good think.. haha. Other than that today was fairly pain free!

Griffin finished with me

Keeping the big guy hydrated

Just a little wet

Once we got home I decided to walk a little longer, so did an extra 10 minutes or so. I got Darren to drop me off at the road and I walked back to the house by myself. This is a MASSIVE feat for me because of my anxiety. Normally panic would have started as soon as he started driving away, but I walked back to the house and kept right on going.


Its almost 9am now, we have had our breakfast of egg whites and a slice of 12 grain bread. Also today was the first day that we added a Glutamine supplement after our workout. Its just a powder and you add 1tsp to 6-8oz of water, has no taste but is a little gritty so may try it with OJ next time instead of water. It is used to assist in muscle cell repair after exercise, also used for depression,
moodiness, irritability, anxiety and insomnia. Anyone who knows me, knows that of that list....I have every one of those things. Soooo, its probably a good choice adding this supplement to our routine.

Week 1 Do-Over

Yes that's right, I am being forced by the "British Sadist" to re-do week 1. He thinks we cheated!! Here is what happened....The second run of week 1, all was going well and we were about half way through the podcast and it started to rain. Darren and I decided that we would stop (not quit) go home and use our Gazelle instead. So I did 45 minutes on the gazelle while watching the first half of the soccer game, and yes I did break out in a sweat. This apparently was not the right decision so I have been informed. I guess this Canadian is a little more delicate than that crazy Brit, because my fat ass doesn't like walking/jogging in the rain lol. 

Overall though Week 1 first round went well. I wasn't able to jog much, just a fast walk all 3 days, but that is still something that I am proud of. As for aches and pains, ya I had them...My knees and hip hurt which I was totally expecting. What I wasn't expecting was how much my boobs were going to hurt...lol Note to self: need a better sports bra for the girls

Just Getting Started

So today was the second day to week one part 2, we were up at 4am, had our oatmeal and were out the door with Griffin. Got down to the Canal and it was lovely (aside from the blood sucking mosquitoes, those little bastards love me). Darren set off with Griffin, and I set off in the opposite direction. Cheery English lady told me it was time for my 5 minute warm up, piece of cake. Then it was first 60sec run....I made it about 30 seconds and then did a fast walk for the other 30 and did this for each time she told me to run except the last one..I actually did run the full 60 seconds that time. It was the same pattern on Monday, I'm working my way up to the full 60sec...I will get there!!

Yup, I'm Dying!!

Half way and getting hot

                                   

As much as I was ready to quit, I didn't.....I pressed on doing the 30 sec jog, 30 sec 1/2 jog, and 90 second brisk walk (not so sure my brisk is what they are looking for, but its what they are going to get, I'm not trying to kill myself here). When the cheery lady told me it was time for my last 60sec run, I decided to run. I just kept telling myself "you can do this" Even though my lungs and legs were telling me otherwise. By this time Darren and I had switched and I had Griffin with me, even the old boy was starting to get tired lol. We managed to finish and complete our last 5 minute walk to cool down. Darren wanted to sit by the water for awhile, I on the other hand just wanted to get home and jump the shower because I was sweating like a pig.

Even Griffin is Protesting

Hot and Sweaty

Finished!!

The final 40

Most recent picture

Well I'm coming up to my 5yr anniversary of my surgery date and its no big surprise that I haven't met my personal goal yet. It is also no surprise that I have put some weight back on......But things are about to change!! I am not going to get into numbers or weights right now, other than to say I am 100% determined and committed to losing these last 40lbs. Once those are gone I will be satisfied with my weight loss and will stop beating myself up.

Let's go back a month.....Last month I joined a chatroom and met a very nice fella from England. After much chatting I found out that he boxes, used to play rugby AND his job is helping to rehabilitate injured athletes. Come on, this was like having luck dropped in my lap, I have no idea how to exercise, I can't afford a personal trainer and I refuse to go to the gym and ask the muscle-heads there. So I asked this man if he could give me some advice on how to tone up my legs and cottage cheese thighs. He made sure he asked me lots of questions and I told him that I have problems with my knees and hips.....it was when he suggested squats that I realized he is not a nice fella from England, but actually a British Sadist!!! But, I figured what the hell, he knows what he is talking about so I might as well take the advice and do what he says. It was slow going at first, 10 squats here 10 there and my legs were screaming "wtf are doing to us!!" as the month went on they got much easier. 

I have gone back to basics, all my protein is coming from food..no more powders, I'm weighing everything, I'm waiting the appropriate time before and after meals to drink, I have a good breakfast every morning, and I am trying harder than ever to get in all my water for each day. He has taught me which snacks are high in protein, what to avoid and so on...all I can say is this is more help than I ever got from my surgeon. Today we are eating lots of chicken, tuna, nut butters, sardines etc and you know what?? I'm not hungry!!

One night a few weeks ago while chatting to "British Sadist" he said that he wanted me to try something called Couch to 5k. OK immediately I didn't like the sound of this, he sent me a link to the website and I was right....it was running. Really?!? you want this body to run?? This body runs when it is being chased by something that has the ability to KILL it. When I voiced my concerns he assured me that it was a slow program and that he knew I could do it if I put my mind to it. I didn't have a run right away a fast walk/jog would be sufficient, This still didn't ease my mind but I agreed that when the time came I would do it. Darren being the wonderful husband he is, had agreed to go on this adventure with me, like he has every single one for the last 9yrs.

9 days ago I am chatting the with the "British Sadist" and out of nowhere he ruins a perfectly good conversation by telling me I have 9 days to prepare for Couch to 5k. Preparing for me was more mentally telling myself that I can do this and I won't die. As the days passed and the reminders of how many days I had left kept coming I started to get more and more nervous that this would just be something else I would fail at.

So here we are Do Day.....I woke at 4am and thought to myself, I'm not doing this and rolled back over and tried to go back to sleep. No go, I kept thinking there is no way I will be able to lie to this man, he has gotten to know me so well in the past month that he would see right through me. He has gone out of his way to help us the least I can do is drag my scared ass out of bed and give it a try right?? And that is what I did, I got up...step 1 complete..lol

I made the predetermined fuel breakfast of oatmeal with some fruit and nuts, I'm still not sure how anyone eats that shit because it is like nasty mush in a bowl. But being the good sport that I am, I served Darren up a big bowl and gagged down a bowl myself. Darren being the good sport HE is, didn't complain once about the oatmeal, only the fact that it was 4am and he would rather be in bed. We ate pretty much in silence, I had so many things going through my head. I was still scared that I wouldn't be able to do it, what if someone sees me, what if my panic kicks in when I get too far from the van, what if I looks stupid and so on..

Getting the old boy involved

We left the house at 4:45am with Griffin in tow and went down to the Canal, I knew that road would be nice and quiet. We synced our ipods and set off at our differing paces. This podcast starts with a 5 minute warm up walk which was a breeze. Then you alternate between running/jogging for 60 seconds and walking 90 seconds and so on for 20 minutes. There is a lady with a super cheery and irritating "I want to punch you in the face voice" telling you when to run and when to walk...and music in between. After walking the first 5 minutes and actually jogging the first time the Bitch told me to, I knew I wouldn't finish if I kept doing it. So for me this turned into walking and walking faster rather than walking and running. I am totally ok with that, because this is still more movement than this body is used to. 

As I was doing my quick walk I looked back and couldn't see my van anymore, that is when the panic attack started to come, so I turned around and started walking back towards where we were parked. As soon as I could SEE my van, the anxiety level went down significantly so I decided that is what I would do..walk so far and turn around and walk back. I picked a set of trees a couple hundred yards away and that would be my turning point to head back towards the parking lot. Darren was off doing his own thing and that was ok, it gave me time to think and enjoy the surroundings. It was a beautiful morning, mist on the water, dew on the trees, and mosquitoes out for blood.

As the podcast kept going, I was started to tire....my legs were burning and my lungs were ready to explode (really need to quit smoking), but I wasn't going to stop. I've had too many people tell me that I wouldn't be able to do it when I mentioned it to them. I needed to prove them wrong, I needed to prove myself wrong. I wanted this for me, I wanted it for Darren, I wanted it for the "British Sadist". When the Bitch told me that this was the final run, I said to myself "well, lets do this" and I ran...I may have been dragging my feet a bit but I ran with my faithful companion Griffin at my side. When that 60sec burst was over there was a 5 minute walk to cool down. 

You ok mom??

All in all it really wasn't horrible,  for someone my size it definitely wasn't easy, but it is doable if you set your mind to it. When it was done I crashed on the wooden play structure trying to slow down my breathing and not die (it was here it became really clear I needed to stop smoking). I am half passing out and my wonderful husband is off taking pictures of me and the water. It was like he hadn't been running at all..lol skinny bugger. 
 

I hate you England

I had to take a face picture to send to the "British Sadist" because I knew it would give him great pleasure to see the pain, so here it its....my post exercise I hate you picture. (BTW, he thought the picture was great..I knew he was evil deep down, He said this is the face that most of his clients give him after a workout)

Our morning view, beautiful

So Darren and I sat around for a little while enjoying the view (its not every day we are up and about at 5am) We talked about how proud of each other we were, that it will get easier as we go, and that we were actually looking forward to our next early morning on Wednesday.

Breakfast

When we got home I was absolutely STARVING, I didn't know if this was normal or not, but my body was screaming for food, so I did what I do best I ate. I made 2 scrambled egg whites and a piece of 12 grain bread while Darren went back to sleep for a few hours. 

Supper

Lunch was pretty unspectacular, just some left overs. For dinner I made Grilled chicken breast, green beans and an Avocado, cucumber and feta salad (thanks for making this the other night Paula) I will admit I've never liked avocado, but its really good this way. OK I lie...I've never actually TRIED avocado before having it this way, so I really don't know if I would have liked it or not..but it looks like snot and that was enough to put me off.




Its 1:30am and so far I'm still feeling good, no aches or pains yet....we shall see if I still feel the same way in the morning. Thank you Darren for doing this with me and Thank you Mr England for leading us in the right direction. I will continue to blog through these 9 weeks and if any of you are interested in checking out the program here is the link Couch to 5K

Cheers and goodnight