Saturday, August 22, 2009

My life so far

I'll tell you a little bit about myself. I've battled my weight my entire life. I've always been the 'fat friend'. I've had very low self esteem my whole life because of my weight and the way people have treated me. It seems like discrimination against overweight/obese people is socially acceptable. There are so many things that I can't do that "regular" sized people don't even think twice about. For example, riding a roller coaster, going to a restaurant and sitting comfortably in a booth, I love swimming but there is no way i would ever go to the beach and wear a bathing suit..i haven't done that in about 7 yrs, I won't fly anywhere because I'm too embarrassed to ask for a seat belt extender and this really sucks because both of my sisters are Pilots and i've never been in a plane with them. :( I started looking into weight loss surgery about a year ago. I know that this is my last chance at a real life. I am no longer going to let food control me and I am going to take my life back
2 yrs ago when i got married i weighed 290 pounds and I'm 5'7. Shortly after that i had to go on medication for anxiety, depression, panic attacks and agoraphobia. One of the medications they put me on was called Zyprexa and a major side effect is weight gain. In about a year and a half of being on this medication my weight went up to 452. CRAZY!!! It seemed like it happened over night. All of a sudden i was getting out of breath all the time, i couldn't stand for very long, all i wanted to do was sleep because i was so tired. Even rolling over in bed had become a task. I couldn't even shave my own legs, I would have to get Darren to help me. Then i got a really bad rash under my stomach and had to go to the hospital because it wasn't healing and was only getting worse, and I put it off for too long because i was embarrassed. The Dr ordered that a home care nurse come into my house 4 times a week to clean the wound and change my dressings. This was the most humiliating experience for me. This was something that I used to do for other people and having to have it done for me was horrible. So I talked to my Family DR about having a RNY Gastric Bypass and thankfully she was 110% behind me and thought it was a great idea. So the process began. I chose Dr Graber, a surgeon in New York. (weight times in Ontario are far too long).I had no idea i had gained so much weight until I had to get weighed because OHIP needed an accurate weight before they would approve me for out of country surgery. That day was absolutely devastating, 452 pounds how does that happen?? i was pissed at myself, embarrassed, I felt lost, like i had gone to far and there was no way I'd ever find my way back. I spent a few days in bed crying, and then i just told myself that enough is enough, I'd done this to myself and it was up to me to change it. I have tried every diet known to So, this is my last shot and I'm going to make it work....i have to make it work.
I feel like I'm really prepared for the surgery, and my new life. I can't wait to be able to give away all my fat clothes and go shopping with my skinny I can't wait to be able to start a family, right now i can't get pregnant, my husband and i have been trying for almost 4 yrs.

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